Making it happen

I'm hoping this is a case of "I've spent the last month and a half reading exclusively about autism spectrum disorders and now I see it everywhere," but I'm worried about Camden. He has a few developmental delays. His speech, obviously. He didn't start walking until 15-18 months of age. And he just seems behind socially. He rarely makes eye contact, that I've noticed. The daycare's noticed too. But most of it, I'd penned on the speech delay. Oh, he can't talk, so of course he's not going to be social. Oh, he can't talk, so of course he isn't going to have his toys talk to each other. I thought the tubes and speech therapy would fix that. Not really. In a social setting, he still clings to my legs. He watches other children, tries to copy them, but never plays with them. He's still limited to two-word phrases when I hear other three-year-olds talking non-stop. He only *really* looks me in the eye when I force him, and even then he's more likely to look at my mouth or hair.

If you don't acknowledge that he's said something, he keeps repeating it. But you have to acknowledge it by saying what he's saying. If he says firetruck, I can't go "I see it!" without him repeating firetruck over and over and over until I say, "Yes, Camden, firetruck." If there are two doors into a building, he wants to go through a different one than I do. If we go through the same door, he pushes me out so I go through the other door. If I refuse, he starts to cry/fuss and refuses to go any further with me. Do other children do this? I've always thought it was just him being silly, but now... I don't know.

So I got this soft-core porn thingy from Netflix... And it's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen. It's a bad cross between Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones. Right now Cara Loft (right? really?) is wearing a shiny, skin tight fancy-dress with these (awesome) platform goth boots. And she's talking to a... person... who is wearing obviously fake mustaches and beard. Oh, and her butler is in love with her, and I think he came when she touched his hand. He was whimpering.

This is horrible. And yet, slightly amusing.

We stayed home sick again today. D: The daycare called me at 5.05 yesterday, as I was driving to pick Cam up, to tell me he had a fever. I got there to find that they'd had him outside playing in the hotness (low 80's, but still toasty!). Once I got him home and out of some clothes, he cooled down and has been just fine! How annoying! But I got the day off work, and got to spend some extra time with Dan (who just got back from being gone for a week-ish last night) so that was good. I also got to take Camden to speech therapy, which was neat.

I also bought stuff today! I found a tiny round table (about two feet across) for Camden to use as an art table or to eat at when he eats in the living room. Right now he's sitting at it doing a puzzle. *preens* I also bought a castle toy box (a toy box with shelves over it, the sides look like castle walls... soo neat!) that I've had my eye on for a week or two at Salvation Army. I broke down and bought it, and I'm so glad I did!

All of Camden's toys except his legos now fit either in the actual toy box or on the shelves. I have a plastic three-drawer dresser-thing that held some of Cam's books in one drawer, his legos in another drawer, and his diapers/diaper paraphernalia in another drawer. I've organised all his books on shelves elsewhere, and emptied the diaper drawer, since he's now out of diapers for good! (Except pull-ups at night) I put the vast majority of my books into the now empty drawers, the rest will be going on bookshelves Dad is building for me and Cam. I'd been keeping my books in a footlocker, which the books (obviously) vacated. Thanks to Mom, I have five million more blankets than I need or will ever use, and I've just been storing them in a large and not-so-tidy pile behind my loveseat. They're now neatly put away into the footlocker! \o/

Now I just need to get rid of this recliner and junk trap... I mean sofa table... and get those bookshelves from Dad, and I think my apartment will really start to come together. I try to be organized, I really do, but it's hard when I don't have anything with which to organize, storage-wise. I really want to make my bed a loft/platform bed to make more storage space. I really like the idea of this with the three shelves acting as supports for the bed. Although it seems it would be a little tight to get into the middle/back units. But it would be portable, which is good since I'll be moving in two years. And it would make making forts for Cam to play in really easy! lol

I need storage solutions!!!

"Say nothing of my religion. It is known to myself and my God alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life; if that has been honest and dutiful to society, the religion which has regulated it cannot be a bad one."

:D

Red's post inspired me... ^_^

I'm doing a re-read of WoT because the next book is coming out soon-ish and because it's such an amazing series! I'm amazed at how differently I feel reading them now as compared to how I remember feeling when I read them at 14/15. I remember I absolutely loved Perrin. He was my favourite of the three. Now, I don't really care for him. Even without Faile, he doesn't seem that great. I remember the first few times I read the series, I was so angry that he was completely missing from the Shadow Rising, and this time I was like "Thank God!" And whereas before I didn't care one way or another about Mat, now he is most definitely my favourite character, especially when Tuon comes into the mix! She really brings out the best (worst?) in him. ^_^ I probably used to like Nynaeve more than I do now, too. I really can't stand reading from her PoV because she's so whiny and hypocritical. Elayne's PoV is also a chore to read at times. Rand's PoV just breaks my heart. :( He's just trying to be what he thinks he needs to be and doesn't realise that it's the completely wrong way to go about it.

This re-read is really fun, because I'm noticing things I don't remember noticing before. Though after I do notice it, I think to myself "Surely I didn't miss this!" lol This time I'm also really paying attention to how the characters are growing as individuals and how they mature (or don't). Egwene as the Amyrlin and Mat especially.

I still feel bad for Min and the whole lack of longevity thing. Poor thing.

----
And on a completely different note, why do I always always always spell definitely incorrectly? Ugh!

While I think I'll come to enjoy what I'm doing this summer, right now it sucks! Honestly, when Mandy pitched the idea to me, she made it sound like I'd be with a therapist or someone going out to work with these people, and I'd have someone monitoring me who I could turn to for help. But, no. They stuck me out there with kids I don't know, kids who don't know me, all by myself. I have no skills in this area, no training, no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do other than "hang out and play with them." I'm working with two older people, both in their 20's, both of whom I meet at their house. One has his mother I can turn to for help, translation, and what-nots. The other has an aide who's showing me the ropes for this week, and probably some of next week. I can't help but wonder why I can't get the same for the younger people. Arg.

*sadness*

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks. --and believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming!

Nothing is exactly as it seems...

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag as many of your friends as you'd like to...

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? --- Yes
Been arrested? --- No
Kissed someone you didn't like? --- Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? --- Yes
Held a snake? --- Yes
Ran a red light? --- Yes
Experienced love at first sight? --- Yes
Totaled your motorcycle/car in an accident? --- no
Been fired from a job? --- Yes
Fired somebody? --- No
Sang karaoke? --- Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? --- No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? --- Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? --- Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Kissed in the rain? --- Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? --- No
Seen someone die? --- No
Played spin-the-bottle? --- Yes
Sang in the shower? --- Yes
Smoked a cigar? --- No
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Smuggled something into another country? ---No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? --- Yes
Broken a bone? --- No
Skipped school? --- Yes
Eaten a bug? --- Yes
Sleepwalked? --- No
Walked a moonlit beach? --- No
Rode a motorcycle? --- No
Dumped someone? --- Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? --- no
Lied to avoid a ticket? --- No
Ridden on a helicopter? --- no
Shaved your head? --- No
Blacked out from drinking? --- No
Played a prank on someone? -- Yes
Hit a home run? -- No
Felt like killing someone? --- Yes
Cross-dressed? --- Yes
Been falling-down drunk? --- No
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? --- Yes
Eaten snake? --- No
Marched/Protested? -- No
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? --- No
Puked on amusement ride? --- No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? --- no
Been in a band? --- Yes
Knitted? ---yes
Been on TV? --- no
Shot a gun? --- No
Skinny-dipped? --- Yes
Gave someone stitches? --- no
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? --- No
Ridden a surfboard? --- No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- No
Had surgery? --- Yes
Streaked? --- No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? -- No
Peed on a bush? --- no
Donated Blood? --- No
Grabbed electric fence? --- Yes
Eaten alligator meat? ---Yes
Eaten cheesecake? --- Yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? --- Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? --- No
Peed your pants in public? --- Yes
Snuck into a movie without paying? --- no
Still love someone you shouldn't? --- No
Think about the future? --- Yes
Been in handcuffs? --- yes
Believe in love? --- yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? --- Yes

Because I totally forgot in my post yesterday.

I found a pattern at Wal-mart for pajamas. It was like $3.44, so I snapped it up! I then proceeded to look for a fabric. The pattern suggested jersey-knits or other similar knitty fabrics for the shirt. I couldn't find any on my own, so I asked some lady who was working there if they had any jersey-knit fabrics. She says "We don't have anything by that specific name" so I ask about double knits. She points me to the discount fabric and says I might find something there, goes with me to look, yadda yadda, points out this hideous double knit polyester nightmare and says, that looks like the only stuff we have. And I tell her I want to make pajamas for my son. You know what she says?

Do you?

"Wouldn't you want to use flannel for that?"

Really? I told her "It's summer, lady!" lmao It still pisses me off and cracks me up in equal amounts. Oh, the stupidity of wal-mart people!

So the other day I had this odd thought: Min got screwed! In relation to the love triangle(square) with her, Rand, Elayne, and Avi.

Rand, Elayne and Avi can all channel. Assuming they all survive the Last Battle and all that comes after it: Rand and Avi are going to live 600+ years. If Elayne follows Egwene's example and swears the Three Oaths, she'll have about 300 years. What about Min? She's going to be 80 and look it, while the other three will look mid-30's at best, though Elayne will probably be ageless by that point.

It's just not fair!

I made them! For Cam. Basically a T-shirt and shorts. They turned out really well, though I did kinda mess up the crotch area because I failed to read the directions. :D They only took about 4-5 hours to make, from start to finish.

----

My interning at DNR/conservation department fell through. :( They were giving Mandi the run-around and she got tired of it. So tomorrow I go for an interview/meeting with a daycare director. I hate children. I don't want to babysit. :( But at least it's something. Actually, when she told me about it, it sounded pretty cool. Now it just sounds awful. I'm really not fond of children (mostly excluding my own)... And though children used to like me, now that I've normalised myself, that seems to have stopped. *le sigh*

Maybe the director won't like me/want to hire me. Not that that's any better than being hired. I just want school to start so I can get my free monies that I don't have to work for. Well, not really.

They still don't have a job planned out for me. :( They were supposed to know last Thursday, but it got pushed back to Friday, pushed back to Monday, pushed back to today. And I have yet to hear from Mandi. I'll call her around three if she hasn't called me yet. This is almost not worth it, you know? Like, I NEED to get started so I can finish my 320 hours before school starts without doing 45 hours a week.

Not to mention I'm bored out of my mind. Yeah, Sims2 is fun, but doing the same stuff over again is getting lame. I'd like to get an expansion pack, but I want to wait and see if they drop in price when Sims3 comes out. Which is tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have a job by then/will know about a job by then. Even if it means going back to those horrid work readiness classes. I need some money coming in! Ahhh!

that Camden's fully potty trained. ^_^ During the day, anyway. He still wears a diaper at night (didn't need it last night!) and I'll probably put him in one for traveling purposes and church.

We're still working on the going to bed by himself. :( Last night it took him an hour and a half. And after -I- feel asleep, I had a dream that he was up until almost midnight. Ugh! I think it's getting to me. lol

I made banana nut bread today! It smells delicious! I'm only keeping about 1/3 of what I made, the rest is going to Dan and Ashley.

I also have great plans for water balloons at the park this afternoon. Muchly excited!

Only had 20 minutes or so of him getting out of bed tonight. Though I wasn't really foreseeing much trouble. We'd been watching a movie, and he decided he wanted to lie down with his pillow and a blanket on the couch. No problem. Except that he was still awake when the movie ended, and I made him go to bed. :( We still did our story time and snugs 'n such. I'm glad he's making such great progress with this. We only have three weeks before we'll be back at Mom and Dad's with Dan thrown into the mix. Although, Dan and I will be gone to the Crossover thing Saturday, and possibly Friday, night. I don't know if Mom and Dad will make Cam go to sleep on his own. Guess we'll see.

Potty training is going okay. Four accidents today and one... uh.. score? He told me he had to pee, and did, in the potty. One of the accidents probably could have been avoided if I'd been paying attention. He was trying to tell me something, but I didn't have a clue what he was saying! I washed all of his undies today, so I'll have a fresh supply to send to school with him tomorrow, where he'll hopefully continue doing as well as he is for me.

Yesterday, we went to Jamie's (Dan's friend from Macon) for lunch/to hang out. And Cam told me he had to pee, so I hurried him to the bathroom, but we were too late. He already had in his pull-up. :( I don't know if he did while we were trying to get to the bathroom or if he already had when he told me... But the more important part is that he *did* tell me, whether before or after the fact. Because that means he realises something is different, that it's not okay to go in his pants.

Last night Cam finally fell asleep after almost an hour. I had to paddle his bottom. :( But he's fallen asleep 3 out of 5 days, now. I let him sleep in the living room for his nap, since I know for a fact he wouldn't have fallen asleep and would be uber-tired at bedtime tonight.

Today we went without diapers. Mostly. I put a pull-up on him when we went to yard sales/grocery shopping. But other than that he's been in big-boy undies! We had two accidents, and he told me he needed to use the potty once. I hope we'll be finished with non-sleeping diapers in a few weeks.

Last night didn't go well on the bed time front. He screamed for an hour and kept trying to come into the living room. He broke the night light. :( Because every time he got up, he pulled it out of the wall to bring it with him, and something came loose. *le sigh* I ended up having to sit in the room on my bed while he fell asleep. I think tonight I will just go ahead and stay in there. If I leave the kitchen light on and the bedroom door cracked open, I ought to have enough light to read by... But I don't really want to get in that habit again. I especially don't want him to think I'm giving in, because next he'll be wanting up in my bed to fall asleep. And with summer here, snuggling between him and Dan most nights is not an option!

Especially with my AC not quite working. I had it off today, with windows open and fans on. But it just got so hot! So I turned it on two hours ago. Thermostat (two hours ago) said it was 81, and still says it's 81. It's been running the entire time. When I turned it on last night (Dan was over and wanted to cuddle.. Ugh!), it cooled the apartment down to around 70 for about half an hour before I noticed it getting hot again. It ran all night, and was still ridiculously hot when I woke up, which is why I turned it off today. It was cooler outside than inside. Much sadness!

But in good news, Camden is finally getting the potty training thing, I think. Both last night, and tonight, he's used his potty on his own initiative. Like he tells me he has to pee, so I tell him to get on his potty, and he does, and he pees! Much excitement!

Right before Cam was born, I started working on a quilt using Mom's scrap fabric. Hopefully I'll have it put together (the top at least!) before his birthday this year. Yeah, I know. Three years to sew together a quilt top is silly: I agree!

Anyway, it's almost bedtime here. I really hope it goes okay. He was kinda grouchy when I picked him up from school, but he seems to be in a better mood... I just wish the apartment would cool off!

is not going nearly so well as last night. *le sigh* He's screaming like it's the end of the world. :( I really want to let him lie down in here with me... but I'm being strong! It's so hard, though.

It's day two of getting Cam to fall asleep completely on his own. It's one of my goals for him this summer, along with potty training. Last night it took him 45 minutes to fall asleep. He got up a couple of times after he initially fell asleep, once because he wasn't wearing pants and wanted to be. (Is he really my child? lol) And once he was out for sure, he slept in his bed until 5 this morning. I hope tonight goes as well.

It's odd what he tries to bring to the living room. His pillow and blanket I understand, but he grabs the nightlight out of the wall too! Often, he'll get just the nightlight. It's so silly!

I put him to bed at 7.45, so hopefully he'll be out by 8.30.

----

In other news, Dan asked me if I'd go to Crossover with him next month. It's a Christian music festival in Camdenton (half an hour from my parents' house). I told him yes, because I'd kinda been wanting to go, and it'll give me an excuse to go see Mom and Dad... lol I'm pretty excited about it. He came to visit last week while I was visiting the parentals.... It was awesome. lol Mom and Dad like him, and he likes them (as far as I know). Best of all, we got Mom and Dad to babysit Thursday night (Dan didn't want to watch either Survivor or Bones :( ) and we took off to Ha Ha Tonka, which is quite possibly my most favourite spot in the entire world. It's just so beautiful! We didn't get to stay long, though, because they close the gates at sunset, and we got there about half an hour til.

--Update on Cam: I don't hear him! 20 minutes! Awesome! Though I'll prolly see him at least once, maybe twice more before I go to bed... who knows

My guilty pleasures:

fmylife.com
awkwardboners.com
failblog.org
textsfromlastnight.com
thisisphotobomb.com

I check these every day. Every time I get online, actually. Sad, I know.

Other websites I check on a daily basis/whenever I get online:

facebook.com
tarvalonforums.net
livejournal.com
truview.truman.edu (my email)

I need a life.

Quite possibly my favourite textfromlastnight:

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

stupid effing viruses. And no, I'm not talking about the swine flue (though that too!) My computer has spyware, adware, and fucking trojans all up in its shit. And after using four different anti-virus/spyware things that search and destroy them, I still have fucking shit on here. What the fuck?! I suppose it's time to wipe my computer clean again. At least this time, I can make a backup cd so I don't lose absolutely everything. *le sigh*